Real Women Use Handbags

 

 

Real Women Use Handbags

Joan Collins and bags

One of my oldest friends came to visit me last week (no, it wasn't Joan Collins- don't be silly).

She left her three children in the UK with a variety of painstakingly-briefed family members, and all was well-planned, and well documented. I think, (after last year when she returned to find the neighbours had set up their own schedule to braid the little girls' hair), there was even a chart. 

"I'm bringing a handbag" She said, when we were at the very excited how-shall-we-smuggle-frozen-margaritas-poolside stage.

Well yes. I didn't really see the relevance of this statement. I'm sure you are, honey. I, too, have handbags. Seems a funny thing to alert me about. Then I realised what she meant.

She was ONLY bringing a handbag.

It's obviously not a tiny handbag, but I was momentarily speechless (yes, since you ask, that very rarely happens). Also I was, let's say, more than skeptical. At first, as she's only a small person, I had visions of my friend being assisted through the gate behind an enormous handbag, with only hair visible, but as she talked me through it, I began to see the logic. She planned to wear one pair of shoes, and cram flip flops into the handbag. Her bikinis take up no room (well, the tops take up more room than mine, but that's just jealousy). A change of clothes, nominal make up and essentials would easily fit, apparently.

I know what some of you may be thinking. Hair products/applainces. Last time my friend visited, she diligently straightened her hair, and left the house for an evening out, looking very marvellous. As we walked to the bar (let's not even pretend there was going to be anyone in a condition to drive), she seemed to literally blow up. The humidity took a relentless, firm hold. Whenever I looked up from my drink, or returned from the bathroom, her hair seemed to have increased three fold in volume in my absence. As I am a person who has long, coarse-but-obedient hair, I found this by far the more amusing of the two of us. (I haven't laughed so much since my spouse accidentally touched the lego 'Alien mother pod' with his foot whilst on a conference call, and had to run from the abduction noises).

Following that incident, she bought a pair of industrial performance hair straighteners and, due to the plug differences, has had to leave them here. 

"And then just gifts" she finished triumphantly. 

Small pair of earrings for my daughter, perhaps? No. She brought "The Wind in the Willows" by Graham Greene for my children. Ok. She wins. If you can pack for a week, in a handbag, and still have room for a book, then it IS the most awesome thing I've ever heard of.

She arrived, with handbag, in style and blowing raspberries in the face of jet lag. The handbag option is not one to be taken lightly, however, as apparently the lack of luggage led to suspicion on the part of every official she encountered, and was swiftly followed by a 'Can you step this way please, Madam' type search. 

Great week. And, so far as I know, she didn't have to cut the curls out of her girls' hair on her return.

I'm probably off to the UK for a week or so this autumn. I'm taking one suitcase for sweaters alone.

 It's just not a level playing field, is it?